A mouth without a heart. An action without meaning.

I am beyond fucked when it comes to sleeping. When it is time to be awake, I want to crash. When it is time to go to sleep, I am wide the fuck awake. I think I am just going to stay up for a ridiculous amount of time today to correct it all. Alas...my yawns are becoming deeper and more pronounced. We shall see how well I rage against the dying of my consciousness.

So I started reading Slaughterhouse-Five a long time ago. I got a quarter of the way through, put it down, and haven't gone back to it since. It has probably been years. This morning, though, I was so disgusted with late night television. Nothing in my DVD collection looked good. I was caught up with all my shows. So I decided to read. I started back up on Slaughterhouse-Five and although I am not done with it, I am close to the end. I only stopped because I started doing some homework. Homework that has frustrated me to no end this morning...but that is an altogether different story. Anyway, once I am done with the "goals" I have set for myself today in terms of school work, I will be finishing the book. The point of this whole thing is to say that I wish to read more. I never had the patience for it, until recently. Like so many things, I am thinking it comes with age. I think there is a little more to it, though.

Before this year, I was always moving in a fast paced motion towards some supposed finish line. For the better part of this year, though, I have been afforded the space to slow things down so to speak. I really like it. I am achieving a greater understanding of things for the first time. Before, I only wanted to know the minimum of what I needed to know to get by in life. Now, I want to analyze things a bit more. My brain isn't being rushed and is breathing. It is great. I finally have the brain capacity to enjoy someone else's thoughts. Not because I need to, but because I want to. Will it last? Probably not. Soon, I will re assume my role as a productive member of society. Things will change and this person I am now might change, too. It has been a strange year, and I haven't accomplished a lot. But what this year may be lacking in career achievements, has more than had its fill of intellectual achievements. Maybe I'll write about some of these in the future. For now....more sweet tunes and homework. Then a good book. Then bed. Maybe some soup. Yeah, soup.

Playlist:
Baroness - Blue Record
Pissed Jeans - King of Jeans
The Dillinger Escape Plan - Ire Works
Kylesa - Static Tensions
Deadboy & The Elephantmen - We Are Night Sky