Condensensation.

I had the distinct pleasure of hanging with one of my good friends from junior high/high school this past week....G. I mean, she ruled hard in high school. I was a little worried, though, because most of the people from the school I went to turned into total douche bags. Some girls got really hot. Some dudes turned out to be gay. Some people got dumber. Some went to jail. Some moved out of the hood. Mostly, though, they turned into douche bags. The last time I saw her was more than 5 years ago on a truly boozy night in the city. I won't even pretend I remember any of it. Anyway...the bottom line is this woman is still ace.

We conversed one late night on Facebook and made plans to check out some art at the Art Institute of Chicago, with some Skullsplitters to follow. She had not had one, which I thought was just criminal. After AIC, we made a quick stop off at a bar we mutually love for it's shitty yet charming atmosphere...the always interesting Rossi's on State and Kinzie. I love that place. Suits, hipsters, construction workers, bros, hoes, geezers, and everyone in between drinking flat Old Style and listening to music from an overpriced jukebox. I swear I once heard a Eddie Money song, into a Dying Fetus song, followed by Pantera, capped off by Barry White and Hall & Oates. Fucking awesome.

After a couple beers, we walked to our cars and headed to Logan Square. Quencher's was the destination, Skullsplitter the motivation. We arrived safely and began our quest down Awesome Lane. It was so much fun. Just talking, filling each other in on our excursions, and speculating on what was to come in our respective lives. It was refreshing to see we still got along so well and that she still gets me. Also, I swear some of the things she told me she had been through sounded like pages out of my life's book. It was great adult conversation with someone I felt comfortable with for a change, someone I felt a deeper connection with. It is a feeling that unfortunately isn't experienced nearly enough.

You see, here is my dilemma: I have great friends right now. We have a lot of fun and take care of each other. But these friends have not been friends for that long. These are friends that have only been around for the last few years. That doesn't make them any less dear...just makes me want for greater familiarity. I always get the feeling that most of my friends now really don't understand me. I am admittedly kind of weird. My humor, musical tastes, the way I think...not really unique to the world, but unique to my circle of people. I generally feel like I have to say things differently than how I would naturally say things in order to be understood. It's like everything that comes out of my mouth is the edited, watered down version of what I really meant. The path of least resistance, if you will. I do it because I definitely do not like explaining every fucking thing I have to say. Went through that shit for far too long. Hello Past Relationships. Yeah, I'm talking to you. Fuck you.

So where does this leave me? I don't know. It is just something that has been bothering me for the past couple weeks. I don't see any big changes coming soon. I like the fact that I reconnected with a good friend, though. And I'm pretty optimistic that we will be hanging out a lot now. She is down for whatever, so she's definitely going to be hitting up some shows with me. This is good.

I see a lot of pairing up of people coming. To the normal person that would be considered a sign to start looking for a partner. Yes, being the single one in a crew of couples is lame. But I have never once found anything while I was looking for it. Nothing. So I am just going to concentrate on what is important. Namely finishing school and trying to find work. Friends are overrated, right? I still have the BDC. Those motherfuckers definitely have my heart. And there are a few people here and there who get me. I'll be fine. I was just feeling so frustrated and restless for a bit there. It usually takes me some time to figure out what's going on in my head, mostly because I do not think everything that pops in there deserves intense scrutiny. I got it now, though. After so many years of walking around like a fucking brainless drone, I'm finally figuring out who I am and what I want. Pretty valuable information, considering I'm going to be turning 27 in three months.

-T. R.

"There isn't much that I feel I need. A solid soul, and the blood I bleed." Couldn't agree more, AC.

Upcoming Shows:
Shrinebuilder / Rwake @ Empty Bottle, Nov. 14
Mew @ Metro, Dec. 7
Disappearer / Pelican / Black Cobra @ Empty Bottle, Dec. 11

Play list:
Animal Collective - Feels
Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavilion
Isis - Oceanic
Isis - Wavering Radiant
Lou Barlow - Emoh
Sonic Youth - Goo
Hour of the Wolf - Power of the Wolf

A mouth without a heart. An action without meaning.

I am beyond fucked when it comes to sleeping. When it is time to be awake, I want to crash. When it is time to go to sleep, I am wide the fuck awake. I think I am just going to stay up for a ridiculous amount of time today to correct it all. Alas...my yawns are becoming deeper and more pronounced. We shall see how well I rage against the dying of my consciousness.

So I started reading Slaughterhouse-Five a long time ago. I got a quarter of the way through, put it down, and haven't gone back to it since. It has probably been years. This morning, though, I was so disgusted with late night television. Nothing in my DVD collection looked good. I was caught up with all my shows. So I decided to read. I started back up on Slaughterhouse-Five and although I am not done with it, I am close to the end. I only stopped because I started doing some homework. Homework that has frustrated me to no end this morning...but that is an altogether different story. Anyway, once I am done with the "goals" I have set for myself today in terms of school work, I will be finishing the book. The point of this whole thing is to say that I wish to read more. I never had the patience for it, until recently. Like so many things, I am thinking it comes with age. I think there is a little more to it, though.

Before this year, I was always moving in a fast paced motion towards some supposed finish line. For the better part of this year, though, I have been afforded the space to slow things down so to speak. I really like it. I am achieving a greater understanding of things for the first time. Before, I only wanted to know the minimum of what I needed to know to get by in life. Now, I want to analyze things a bit more. My brain isn't being rushed and is breathing. It is great. I finally have the brain capacity to enjoy someone else's thoughts. Not because I need to, but because I want to. Will it last? Probably not. Soon, I will re assume my role as a productive member of society. Things will change and this person I am now might change, too. It has been a strange year, and I haven't accomplished a lot. But what this year may be lacking in career achievements, has more than had its fill of intellectual achievements. Maybe I'll write about some of these in the future. For now....more sweet tunes and homework. Then a good book. Then bed. Maybe some soup. Yeah, soup.

Playlist:
Baroness - Blue Record
Pissed Jeans - King of Jeans
The Dillinger Escape Plan - Ire Works
Kylesa - Static Tensions
Deadboy & The Elephantmen - We Are Night Sky